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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked: "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered: "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded: "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Tony Blair's clock?" asked the man. "Blair's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.''
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Forgiveness

Sunday's sermon was 'Forgive Your Enemies'. Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

Eighty percent held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight." She replied.

"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live 98 years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation,and said, "I outlived the b*tches.
 
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