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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Subject: FW: nothing like an airline mechanic with a sense of humor . .


This is funny . . . seems too real to be made up.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by Qantas ' pilots (marked with a 'P') and the
solutions recorded maintenance engineers (marked with an 'S') . By the
way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 

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There are some very sharp-witted folks filling out those forms - the auto land function and the "can not reproduce the problem on ground" crack me.

Thanks for sharing - how does your carcase grow - back on a bike yet?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
@Lenz, I have jumped from the mobility chair to a 125cc scooter. Baby steps, baby steps. I'm suppose to leave for the great North July 5th. I'm still on crutches and suppose to be putting"25% of my body weight" on the broken leg. Shit, I'm a fat bastard so I figure if it can hold that it can hold the V Strom. Spent last night trying different bag configurations. Decided not to use the the factory Kappa bags(still shiney new) and go with some used Givi side bags off the KLR and a soft style trunk with a Wolfman Beta bag across the passenger seat. No one can accuse me of "underpacking." :roll:
 

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You go, pluric! May be some hope for this ridin' season, yet... eh? :D



:)
 

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pluric said:
I have jumped from the mobility chair to a 125cc scooter. Baby steps, baby steps. I'm suppose to leave for the great North July 5th. I'm still on crutches and suppose to be putting"25% of my body weight" on the broken leg.
Is there any value in some sort of splint support or guard to take the load if you have to put a boot down to straighten the bike up - could help maybe when it aches too. There's lots of support gear around - just depends on your motivation on the pain and finance front.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I have been thinking of a support system for those "impulse foot down, knocked into the rear wheel, damn that hurt, what was I thinking?" moments. I bought a collaspe able crutch yesterday to help take weight off when not on the bike. I even ventured out on my first clutch and shift bike last night! The mighty VLX 600. Another what the hell was I thinking impulse purchase. I thought my wife or daughter might try it. Anyway it sits low and is easy for me to hold up. All was fine except the rear braking is Harley style with the medical boot on. Lift it off the peg and set it on brake and hope it doesn't lock up. It's amazing what a gutless wonder that motor is compared to the SV650. I know,I know different design use, but for liquid cooled V twins no comparison.
 

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Yup. Amazing that a fifteen-hundred-somethingcc H-D motor can be more gutless than an SV650 motor... or even an air-cooled 600cc Ducati Monster engine, but it's possible! :crylarf:



:)
 

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pluric said:
I have been thinking of a support system for those "impulse foot down, knocked into the rear wheel, damn that hurt, what was I thinking?" moments. I bought a collaspe able crutch yesterday to help take weight off when not on the bike.
I was thinking more of an articulated, boot to thigh splint with a pivoting knee joint. They use them for knee surgery rehab I think. If you can get something that takes the shock load out of an unavoidable impact / load you're that much further from a chopper ride out of tough country if you get it wrong miles from nowhere. Also good insurance from being ex-communicated by "she who must be obeyed" should another expensive get off be marked against you - and those black marks do get held up for "review" for many years hence. No doubt you will have some experience by now in dealing with these "re-arming" time bombs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Sounds like you have had much more experience with "those who must be obeyed". I've been lucky my wife seems to accept being next in line behind the bikes (she is out of town right now so I can talk tough). Now the mother-in-law is another story between my sons recent two street crashes, broken arm, collar bone, skin graft then again on the arm and landed on the back of his helmet so hard it it cracked and cut the back of his head(we are afraid there is enough brain damage he may be a Republican for life) I'm kidding he is ok. The in laws are done with the whole bike thing. Then not to be outdone by my son I throw in two broken legs. I don't get why they are so upset? Good night though, the guy I'm to travel north with came over to get packing ideas. Moto Fizz bags just got another customer. Half the fun of the ride is planning and setting up. Makes me just want to limp for joy. :lol:
 

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pluric said:
Makes me just want to limp for joy. :lol:
Read a saying in a motorcycle mag the other day. Boris, the bruised biker, was describing the "up market" clientele of a particularly notable pub in the middle of "fly-blown-nowhere" in Australia. The pub attracted a hard bitten mob of rum starved individuals from the professional ranks of sheep shearers, cotton-chippers, wild pig hunters, truck drivers and deranged bikers.

Boris' assessment of this hard drinking crew was that "they were tougher than boiled owls" Now I can only assume that someone who has put a boiled owl on the menu would also be a tough bastard...............must be a serious downturn in owl numbers by now around your place !
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
"Boiled Owls" dems fighting words here in the states. We can't even go in the forest for fear of upsetting an owl or tree mite or some dumb rodent that their not even sure exists. Australia, now that's the place. The only "Spotted Owl" there is spotted in a pot of boiling water! I was in Australia 2 years ago. I flat loved it!! It is so layed back and the people aren't paraniod of strangers. Lenz I'm jealous you get to be there everyday. Don't read into my stupid accidents that I'm a tough guy. Hell, I screamed like a school girl when they removed the staples in my leg. Okay, my eyes watered I didn't really scream. :oops:
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Okay, well yeah, maybe... at least I sounded like a male puppy. David you are good! It's like you were there. :shock:
 
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