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TOP FOUR ADULT JOKES OF 2005


# 4
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm
in room 221."

# 3

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his
wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The
husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?"

# 2

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk
about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how
I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh,
Bill, you didn't!"she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God,
Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened
with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."


# 1
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years
ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know,"
the old man said."We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird
fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."Where upon,
the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know,
honey,"the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as
hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." I wouldn't be
surprised,"replied Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
 

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A couple was about to celebrate their 50th anniversary and thought it would be fun to reenact their original wedding. So they invited all the guests from 50 years ago, asked the same two friends to stand for them, booked the same church with the same pastor, booked the same reception hall and band and even booked the same hotel wedding suite.

Well, the big day finally came and the event went off splendidly. Enthused by the success of the day, the couple whisked away to their honeymoon suite to consummate the marriage. He carried her through the door, put her down and she told him to relax and watch some TV while she went into the bath to 'get ready'.

After a while, she emerged from the bath wearing the same skimpy negligee from 50 years ago. With one hand on her hip and the other raised high on the bath door jamb she asked in her sexiest voice, "Honey, do you remember what you said 50 years ago when you first saw me in this outfit?"

"Well, I sure do!", he replied. "I said that I was gonna fook your brains out and suck your tits dry!"

Coyishly smiling, she said, "Well...?"

Not missing a beat, he quipped, "Well, I think it worked!"
 
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