The lighter side of life, laughter - Page 4 - Yamaha FJR Forum : Yamaha FJR Owners Forums
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post #31 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 01:56 PM
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A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile.

The bartender goes, "You can't bring that animal in here!" But the guy says, "Hey, he does tricks. Watch!" He taps the crocodile on it's head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile's mouth. Then after 3 minutes he takes it out. Then he taps the crocodile on it's head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast.

Then the guy announces to the bar, "I'll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that." Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, Willie the Wino shouts, "I... I think I can do that. But I'm not really sure if I can leave my mouth open that long!"

Russ
2007A

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post #32 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 05:15 PM
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You probably have to be at least slightly religious, or a Baptist to appreciate this but here goes.

The neighbor of an Amish farmer noticed one morning that the Amish farmer was having trouble keeping the furrows straight with his new ox pulling the plow. He went about his own business and later in the afternoon, while passing that pasture again, noticed that the furrows were nice and straight. He couldn't help himself and went over and asked the Amish farmer what he had said or done to the Ox to convince it to get with the program. Well, said the Amish man, I said to him, "Thou stubborn Ox, thou knowest that I canst curse at thee, and thou knowest that I canst whip thee, but I CAN sell thee to a Baptist". Problem solved.

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post #33 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 06:48 PM Thread Starter
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What goes to god.

3gentlemen, meet in a park, a Catholic priest, a Muslim Aman, and a Jewish Rabi . Each were putting forward the best parts about the individual believes, when a stranger intervened asking how do you each divide the donations to what you keep and what goes to god.
The Catholic priest went first, we use a very simple method of separation, I have a large circle on the floor in my retreat, I place all the money on a plate and throw it into the air above the circle, what lands in the circle god gets what's outside the circle I get.
The Muslim Aman spoke next, I do it similar, but what lands in the circle I keep what's outside the circle goes to god.
The Jewish Rabi says, I use a simpler method than that, I put all the money on the plate, throw it into the air, what stays up goes to god, what comes down stays with me.
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post #34 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-27-2018, 03:11 PM
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I once rode with a guy who had wooden legs and real feet.
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post #35 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-27-2018, 04:33 PM
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Haha, that's a real knee slapper...
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